For the male youths of the Gangwon province of South Korea, a war is brewing. In a desperate measure to stop a rising evil, the Board of Education is planning to spend around £500,000 to make an escalating epidemic easier for female youths to live with.

Though the ‘problem’ for the girls is self inflicted.

The problem is the length of their school uniform skirts is getting too high. Shocking statistics are showing that skirt hemlines have risen as much as 15 centimetres in the last decade. How on earth is this problem going to be solved?

Well the Gangwon Board of Education’s resolution is simple: fit privacy boards to the front of each individual desk to make students ‘more comfortable’. Teachers are also backing it, to help ‘avoid unnecessary misunderstandings’. Just what the unnecessary understandings of having a short skirt are is anyone’s guess. ‘Here you go young lady, you were going to receive a B+ for your paper, but as I was handing them out I saw your pants, so I bumped you up to an A.’ or ‘Whoops, I could see up your skirt and, as a consequence, I appear to have raped you.’

Heaven forbid the problem could be solved in other, cheaper and less dramatic ways? Does anyone recall why school uniforms even exist? Part of the reason is that it teaches discipline and taking pride in appearance; it moulds young minds in an attempt to let them grow up with decent values. So why has no one just said ‘Make the skirts longer’? Why are these girls being allowed to wear the skirt equivalent of hot pants to school? In my school there was rigid policy on skirt length; if it was too short you had to make it longer, or you’d get punished. Why are these girls being aloud to tart-up their lower halves to an indecent level without being guided otherwise?

Besides, putting up barriers between desks will, if anything, hinder the social development of the children. I’m not saying this to be controversial or rude but, seeing legs and occasionally catching a glimpse of a pair of pants was part of growing up for me and my mates.

Someone in Gangwon has to be taking the piss?

It was different back then as the internet wasn’t smacking you around the face with naked celebrities at every available opportunity, but imagine what would happen if all these little kids grow up not learning naturally about the birds and the bees and the socially acceptable way to act around the opposite sex; they could turn in to a bunch of rapacious perverts at the first out-of-school social event they’re invited to.

But if we’re going for the stupid option, maybe the Gangwon Board of Education could consider these cheaper and equally effective options? Why not castrate all the feculent little males? Then the innocent girls will be comfortable, and free from any of the aforementioned unnecessary misunderstandings. One cheap and comedy option would be to make all girls wear fake beards, so that every time a puerile young lad or a male teacher kop a view of her knickers they’re instantly put off the idea of sexual exploitation in the stationery cupboard. Or, if the budget is there, supply every young man with a mandatory ‘erecto-senso’ which, when attached to the penis, senses when they become aroused – and when they do, they’re injected with a dose of the date rape drug GHB. Then, as they’re writhing around in a world of semi consciousness, the girls’ get revenge and take a peek at their winkleheimers.

Nah, maybe it’s just best to make both boys, girls and teachers to all wear short skirts.

Or just wake up, save the cash for something a bit more worthy and simply suggest the girls wear longer skirts?

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