On my ‘site stats’ page it tells me how people have found their way to my site; be it from facebook, a link from another site or from a search engine. If they found me through a search engine then it tells me what they typed in that led to them finding my site.
Regular readers will know I’m openly critical of the human race. Every day I witness feats of stupidity that would push me to the edge of despair if I didn’t have sounds friends, family and colleagues to remind me that not everyone is the walking dumb.
The search terms that have directed people to my site are usually entertaining; last week someone found me by typing in ‘Wayne Bridge Cock Bulge’. I’ve had hundreds of hits over the last week of people searching for The Walking Dead‘s impending arrival on channel 5 (Sunday 10pm on 5), and search terms like that are expected and welcomed.
What isn’t expected is a search term from this morning that makes me doubt humankind on a whole new, worrying level.
Two people found my site by typing in ‘Royal Wedding Videogame’.
The way I see it is that there are two explanations for someone being stupid enough to search for this:
1) They saw the fake video game piece I wrote last month and found it deeply hilarious. Then they forgot the place they saw such comedy and had to search for it on Google.
2) They are living evidence that humanity should start winding down, because if someone actually thought their might be, or should be, a videogame based on the Royal wedding, then we may as well all give up.
If the two people that visited my site today via this search term are reading this now, allow me to share some advice…
Seek medical attention or jump out of a very high window.
Alternatively, if these two people searched for such a ludicrous thing based on the fact they were trying to find my fake game preview, then pat yourselves on the back and hop outside your window and enjoy the hottest day of the year so far. And buy me an ice cream. Well done, you.
This article was not subject to the approval of …I Don’t Know Jack and does not represent the opinion of the article’s author. It was not ratified by the Royal Family, the Royal Mail or Microsoft. If this article offends you, please reconsider your place amongst the living…
For those that missed the Royal Wedding 3D game preview: http://idontknowjack.co.uk/2011/03/22/five-kinect-titles-to-fear-this-year/